kill em with calmness

There is a new ride at the Stratosphere that dangles you down the side, strapped to bungee cords. You can hear people scream from Cameron’s yard. He lives in the Country Club, sandwiched between the Hilton and the Stratosphere. His house feels like home. He's got RZA's version of Washington Crossing the Delaware.



I just dropped my mom off at the airport. We spent the last two days together, the last of which was one of the heaviest I've had in a while. Not because of her, but she tends to be with me at moments of peak emotional intensity. She helps me to process.

We got our nails done and went shopping, and took Charmaine out to dinner, and fixed Cameron's car. Or tried to. Cam and Lazar drove to Portland and back in the storms and now the Tacoma's maybe beyond repair.

So far I've driven Meliss' yellow mustang through the flash floods on Eastern; and Cam's Tacoma on the freeway while it shook violently... it didn't want to go past 45 mph. In Vegas on the freeways people do not bullshit. Finally I borrowed my dad's Mercedes and it has a Texas longhorn on the back, which I love, and no CD player, which is incredibly frustrating. Been listening to country and oldies.

The first nights were wild; missed my homegirls. The night at Rumor I saw so many people I haven't seen in a long time and there was drama. I realized that shit is just gonna come up now and then and I can't let it get to me too much anymore. Kill em with calmness.

Now I'm nursing my kidneys. Sleeping all day. Time now to sort shit out.

loves me like a rock

my kidney hurts. something back there hurts, and i remember last time that happened i ended up in the hospital for four days with the longest pit hair of my life.

i had big detox plans for when i got here, but those have had to be on hold. there is just too much. too many parties, and it's hard to say no to parties. especially with people i haven't seen a while. but i partied for weeks straight back in new york and i need to get my health on 100 so i can be ready to kill it when i get back up there.

it is always strange coming back home. calming to be with my fam. getting some much needed estrogen and perspective from the girls, and just space between my life now and me--for just a minute. reset the brain.

hopefully the next few days here can be a little calmer and i can do bikram for a week and juice. that's what my body (kidneys) really need.

got to plot out the next moves. this is going to be an important year--and i'm ready for it.