been too long.
haven't had time; with spring everything speeds up, and all this awesomeness has made it especially hard.
i'm just feeling really happy and grateful. and in lurv.
off to san diego for the weekend, get my chill on with the girls, and then see the fam in vegas, and then back here to get to kick it in the city.
shit's coming together man. and it's beautiful, it really is.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Saturday, March 5, 2011
feel a lot better now
spring seems ready to pounce. i'm trying to get all my ducks in line so when it springs i'll be ready to go with it. in a fuckin sundress, and these 5 inch litas from jeffrey campbell, nadahmean?
i'm feeling a lot better than i was, and i feel i should blog just in case anyone checks, so they don't think i'm still drowning in winter sorrow. made it through the worst.
oyster po'boy with hannah hit the spot, and taking it easy for once this weekend has been really nice. i feel healthier.
i'll be in texas in five days and i'm gonna burst if i keep thinking about it so i'm trying to focus on the things i've got to do this week. it's better that way.
i just got a good feeling... the next cycle is rumbling under the surface, and baby, i think it's gonna be good.
i'm feeling a lot better than i was, and i feel i should blog just in case anyone checks, so they don't think i'm still drowning in winter sorrow. made it through the worst.
oyster po'boy with hannah hit the spot, and taking it easy for once this weekend has been really nice. i feel healthier.
i'll be in texas in five days and i'm gonna burst if i keep thinking about it so i'm trying to focus on the things i've got to do this week. it's better that way.
i just got a good feeling... the next cycle is rumbling under the surface, and baby, i think it's gonna be good.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
cold comfort
at the end of a long bad week. it always happens after my birthday--the hangover, the inevitable letdown after the awesomeness, and valentine's day.
now i'm not a hater of valentine's day, but it usually makes me sad. revisit the old wounds. wonder when i'll stop doing that.
i had a weird one this year; spent it with somebody, which helped, but kind of confused me, made me feel like i was settling. i'm sure he felt like that too.
i've given up on having sex, really, so i don't these days.
the root of this all is so deep it's hard to see where it starts. fuck tweezers, i need a scalpel and pliars. this city is too fast. i love chasing the goals, but i dream of slowness. the other night i dreamt of a little venezuelan town i discovered right outside of vegas.
the night before that i had a nightmare that katie from the class ahead was bedding my ex. completely random. stings.
i guess i'm just frustrated. this pinche cold, endless winter. the politics of school. wanting to talk about something else, and finding out there is nothing else, not right now. wanting the comfort of people knowing me well, someone who will take me out of the bar before i make an ass out of myself.
mitra says wait it out. mom says the lessons are hard to learn, but it's important to learn them. went to didion, but run river was cold comfort.
wait it out. wait it out.
now i'm not a hater of valentine's day, but it usually makes me sad. revisit the old wounds. wonder when i'll stop doing that.
i had a weird one this year; spent it with somebody, which helped, but kind of confused me, made me feel like i was settling. i'm sure he felt like that too.
i've given up on having sex, really, so i don't these days.
the root of this all is so deep it's hard to see where it starts. fuck tweezers, i need a scalpel and pliars. this city is too fast. i love chasing the goals, but i dream of slowness. the other night i dreamt of a little venezuelan town i discovered right outside of vegas.
the night before that i had a nightmare that katie from the class ahead was bedding my ex. completely random. stings.
i guess i'm just frustrated. this pinche cold, endless winter. the politics of school. wanting to talk about something else, and finding out there is nothing else, not right now. wanting the comfort of people knowing me well, someone who will take me out of the bar before i make an ass out of myself.
mitra says wait it out. mom says the lessons are hard to learn, but it's important to learn them. went to didion, but run river was cold comfort.
wait it out. wait it out.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
dance yourself clean
talking like a jerk except
you are an actual jerk
living proof that sometimes friends are mean
today is the day before spring semester starts. i did my laundry today, even my towels and sheets! stocked the fridge with kombucha. and spending the day catching up with my homegirls on the phone. sorting the brain.
tomorrow i start.
this is what i promise you i will do.
i will get paid.
i will focus.
i will get a press pass to sxsw.
i will land the internship.
i'll limit the drama, and limit my ties to it.
turn that energy into drive, burn that in the right places.
saturday night i went out with andrea and jim and we just danced ourselves clean. drank whiskey and danced, and the DJ played WHITNEY HOUSTON. possibly entered the fourth dimension.
Here's to Two of Three. Phase one of New Year's Resolution: make the most of my opportunities. make opportunities.
you are an actual jerk
living proof that sometimes friends are mean
today is the day before spring semester starts. i did my laundry today, even my towels and sheets! stocked the fridge with kombucha. and spending the day catching up with my homegirls on the phone. sorting the brain.
tomorrow i start.
this is what i promise you i will do.
i will get paid.
i will focus.
i will get a press pass to sxsw.
i will land the internship.
i'll limit the drama, and limit my ties to it.
turn that energy into drive, burn that in the right places.
saturday night i went out with andrea and jim and we just danced ourselves clean. drank whiskey and danced, and the DJ played WHITNEY HOUSTON. possibly entered the fourth dimension.
Here's to Two of Three. Phase one of New Year's Resolution: make the most of my opportunities. make opportunities.
Monday, January 17, 2011
more snow
it's snowing again and i don't quite know what to do with myself. i'm trying to go to sleep earlier tonight, so i can wake up before three in the afternoon and wash some damn clothes, get my life in order.
but it's so cold out and my bed's nice and i just feel sad.
i called sanja to give her support and she ended up giving me some. i told her i just want to heal from the old hurt and have somebody who will be nice to me. she said i built an empire of roxanna and that can be intimidating.
i can't help but be strong-willed--i have to be to make it out here. i'm on my own, and i've kind of hardened myself for that.
but intimidating? there are only choice examples of where i'd want to be that. like earlier today, when dude followed me into the grocery store to holler, and then waited outside to walk me home. intimidating can work in my favor then.
but mostly, i wanna be loved. like really loved, for something deeper than the way my pout looks or even how it feels...
but the snow comes down and the home-base withdrawals have been raging and that's probably why i'm writing this longing out to begin with.
but it's so cold out and my bed's nice and i just feel sad.
i called sanja to give her support and she ended up giving me some. i told her i just want to heal from the old hurt and have somebody who will be nice to me. she said i built an empire of roxanna and that can be intimidating.
i can't help but be strong-willed--i have to be to make it out here. i'm on my own, and i've kind of hardened myself for that.
but intimidating? there are only choice examples of where i'd want to be that. like earlier today, when dude followed me into the grocery store to holler, and then waited outside to walk me home. intimidating can work in my favor then.
but mostly, i wanna be loved. like really loved, for something deeper than the way my pout looks or even how it feels...
but the snow comes down and the home-base withdrawals have been raging and that's probably why i'm writing this longing out to begin with.
Friday, January 14, 2011
reset
i'm back at home now, came back to a paper shrine: christmas cards, hank williams on vinyl, strawberry stationery set from hannah. she was in town from houston and stayed at my apartment while i was gone, and left me a strawberry kombucha in the fridge. warmed my heart.
that trip was a voyage, a journey into the present of people with whom i've shared so much past. i fortified some bridges, fashioned some rafts. anything to get me across.
it's hard not to be sad sometimes, when i think of everyone i love and the lives they are leading at this exact moment. i want to be in all of it. i think that's greedy. but it's a happy ache, like ms. miet says.
now i'm getting to know snow, and sleeping 10, 12, 15 hours at a time. it's absolutely vital if i'm going to get back in top-grind shape. catching up with the ones i missed while i was gone.
i'm ready for this year. i'm scared, in awe when i think that this year is it-- one year to hustle this degree and land myself a sweet spot. so many possibilities, starting to take shape.
but first things first. a bed stuy chai and head to the city to get the brows lined up. see what the city's been up to.
that trip was a voyage, a journey into the present of people with whom i've shared so much past. i fortified some bridges, fashioned some rafts. anything to get me across.
it's hard not to be sad sometimes, when i think of everyone i love and the lives they are leading at this exact moment. i want to be in all of it. i think that's greedy. but it's a happy ache, like ms. miet says.
now i'm getting to know snow, and sleeping 10, 12, 15 hours at a time. it's absolutely vital if i'm going to get back in top-grind shape. catching up with the ones i missed while i was gone.
i'm ready for this year. i'm scared, in awe when i think that this year is it-- one year to hustle this degree and land myself a sweet spot. so many possibilities, starting to take shape.
but first things first. a bed stuy chai and head to the city to get the brows lined up. see what the city's been up to.
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