it's snowing again and i don't quite know what to do with myself. i'm trying to go to sleep earlier tonight, so i can wake up before three in the afternoon and wash some damn clothes, get my life in order.
but it's so cold out and my bed's nice and i just feel sad.
i called sanja to give her support and she ended up giving me some. i told her i just want to heal from the old hurt and have somebody who will be nice to me. she said i built an empire of roxanna and that can be intimidating.
i can't help but be strong-willed--i have to be to make it out here. i'm on my own, and i've kind of hardened myself for that.
but intimidating? there are only choice examples of where i'd want to be that. like earlier today, when dude followed me into the grocery store to holler, and then waited outside to walk me home. intimidating can work in my favor then.
but mostly, i wanna be loved. like really loved, for something deeper than the way my pout looks or even how it feels...
but the snow comes down and the home-base withdrawals have been raging and that's probably why i'm writing this longing out to begin with.
"like really loved, for something deeper than the way my pout looks or even how it feels..."
ReplyDeleteGod, I love you.
You're only intimidating in the right places. And I know the world has gone mad, but if you're not loved, the world's gone spinning mad, wrong, unsalvageable.
You're such a beautiful person and while I respect and admire the empire of Roxanna, I know some dude will come correct and scale those walls and worship what's beyond them.
And sorry for gushing over here...I already read you a love note next to a large black woman who gave me the stink eye at Pies & Thighs, so why not publicly in your comment box....
Delicate. Fucking. Flower.