cold comfort

at the end of a long bad week. it always happens after my birthday--the hangover, the inevitable letdown after the awesomeness, and valentine's day.

now i'm not a hater of valentine's day, but it usually makes me sad. revisit the old wounds. wonder when i'll stop doing that.

i had a weird one this year; spent it with somebody, which helped, but kind of confused me, made me feel like i was settling. i'm sure he felt like that too.

i've given up on having sex, really, so i don't these days.

the root of this all is so deep it's hard to see where it starts. fuck tweezers, i need a scalpel and pliars. this city is too fast. i love chasing the goals, but i dream of slowness. the other night i dreamt of a little venezuelan town i discovered right outside of vegas.

the night before that i had a nightmare that katie from the class ahead was bedding my ex. completely random. stings.

i guess i'm just frustrated. this pinche cold, endless winter. the politics of school. wanting to talk about something else, and finding out there is nothing else, not right now. wanting the comfort of people knowing me well, someone who will take me out of the bar before i make an ass out of myself.

mitra says wait it out. mom says the lessons are hard to learn, but it's important to learn them. went to didion, but run river was cold comfort.

wait it out. wait it out.

what i'm worth.

lauren friedman edited this piece from an in-class interview assignment.

Roxanna