the bees knees

so, thirty dollar cab rides. 

i'm torn between being pretty pissed about commute time and being really glad i don't live in williamsburg. i really like bay ridge, but who likes 30 dollar cab rides? what i need to do is befriend that high school teacher and go for beers at the lone star bar down the street. 

i just realized tonight while talking to alex that i have been partying for 10 years. and that, although i still appreciate a good throw down of many a variety, it can't hurt to diversify.

especially as right now, what with bikram and daily explorations, it feels like i'm training for a marathon.

i ate at five leaves tonight... the five leaves burger: burger (med.well), sunny side up egg, beet, fried pineapple, some strange mayonnaise. delicious and probably the most creative burger i've ever had. with truffle fries and greens. and to drink, the bees knees... some honey-infused gin drink. delicious.

and on this thirty dollar cab ride home, my driver was depressed. he told me so. i asked him if he ever got tired of jimmy kimmel jabbering his head off on the same three pseudo-talk show skits that replay on the fucking screen in the back of the cab.

he said if he had his way he would be able to bash and re-bash jimmy's skull against a mirror every ten minutes, so he could watch it.

he said he sits and listens to people whine all day and they are all liars.

but he didn't listen to me, i listened to him... and i saw the statue of liberty (for the first time) off in the distance as we cruised the BQE.

i'll fill you in like an application

so what kind of blog is this? i haven't had internet in over a week. but i do now. and i've done some cool things this week, and i've had a pretty hard time here and there as well.

i got in last monday and had no bed, and no sleeping bag, and poor charles was pretty sure she was gonna die.

so i ended up sleeping on a mattress in the basement of my building (sounds like the beginning of a snuff film).. but wait! it was safe! because... there was only a door separating me from the muslim masjed that also occupies the basement of my building. i told my mom this that night and i think i gave her nightmares.

day two was full of ikea bullshit. you can't get me to go back there alone, i won't do it. hellish.

day three finds me with a bed (finally!) and from there the ball gets rolling and it's been pretty good ever since.

i met a few cool people, a lot of movers, a couple shakers, and a high school teacher who gifted me with the knowledge of the N... my new favorite thing, because it gets me from bay ridge (which is kind of far, really) into times square in about thirty minutes. on the R it takes an hour... i about cried when i realized this. 

but no worries! i've got the N! i will be alright!

plus the N is full of weirdos. which suits me well, except for the man with pus coming out of his lips that came in behind a mexican man with a guitar and staggered directly.... next to me, of course. so the man with the guitar is playing this beautiful sad spanish song... sounded like it must have been about love, losing love, hunger of the soul.... and man next to me proceeds to pick the hardened pus off his lips and wipe it on his shirt. at this point, torn because i hate to be the person who is repulsed and can't take it but not sure what kind of disease this man must have because i haven't seen a thing like it before, i got up and stood by the door, and spent the rest of the ride looking outside, because the N train goes up on a bridge and you can see the lights of manhattan. this is another reason i like it so much.

so today i'm going to take a class at school... covering the obama presidency, and do some more organizational bullshit which is irritating but necessary, and overall i should have a good day.

i got an email from the NYU people telling me to resubmit some other piece of writing to be considered for a master's program that you basically mold yourself... sounds kind of cool and interesting and i'm happy (vindicated?) that they asked me, but CUNY has really got what it is i'm looking for, couldn't be better, i couldn't be more excited.

but i might go to the meet and greet, because i now realize they serve free booze! and i can schmooze, which is one of my natural gifts.

so now you're somewhat caught up. i won't leave you hanging in suspense for so long again.

empire state of mind

so i have too much to say and my internet has been acting like all the boys in my life.... it's like shit, you leavin, i ain't doin nothin for you. 

good luck.

when i was in new york earlier this week i was feeling like them streets is mean. seems like it can be a lonely place too. just like anywhere.

so i'm in this funk and i'm down in soho lost somewhere and cross paths with jim jarmusch on a side street. now this dude's hair is wild so he's definitely easy to recognize. and just like in ghost dog where rza crosses paths with ghost dog at the end... it was totally like that. 

except we didn't say 'power and equality.' but i felt like that anyway.

and i realized look, it's all here in front of me, it's just gonna be hard. the best things aren't easy, and if they're too easy going up the fall down is much harder. so i've learned.

and over here in vegas it's just crazy because i have to leave my best friends and my family. and it's been so.... humbling, centering, chill, positive.... to be able to experience the day to day with the people i love so much and are so much a part of who i am. 

and now i need to part with them for a while and return to the out-of-town way i stay close to them.... which is okay, it will be good, it's just kind of hard.

and it doesn't help when people are randomly trippin on me.... letting me go.... 

'and i'm ready for that, i'm just sayin'...

and me and charmaine went on a date to alicia keys (for free..dope) and she killed it live. and her encore was 'empire state of mind part two'... her version... so sick and it just makes me tingle all over.

so even if it ain't all it seems i got a pocket full of dreams baby.... new york.

shit and PS: i got my coochie waxed at BOX (yes, coolest name of a waxing salon ever ever.... reminiscent of my mama's box organic tampon campaign for my design class) and it was DOPE. like, as dope as pulling the hair out of your coochie can possibly be. i totally recommend it if you are on the fence. 

half asleep in frog pajamas

tom robbins, in 'half asleep in frog pajamas', writes in second person-- making YOU the filipina stock broker who finds herself in big trouble after the market crashes right before easter weekend.

this excerpt has me thinking. this is what's going through her mind when she finally gives in to the sexual charms of this wild guy she keeps running into....

'you snuggle up against the lump in his groin. when you kiss, you stick your tongue in his mouth. it's kind of exciting in there. of course, you are disgusted with yourself. never have you felt like such a mare. sure, you have been aroused before. for better or for worse, arousal is a feature of the human condition, and even nuns, even female CEOs, so you are told, do not wholly transcend it. it is the curse of the meat, and a woman must learn to live with it. 

no, a woman must learn to leverage it, to hedge it, to manage it, make it work for her; to politely sample its undeniable if shoddy pleasures when it announces itself and to refrain from either stressful fasts or mindless binges. she must familiarize herself with it, exploit it when it is exploitable, but never ever get careless around it. otherwise, it will turn on her like the lean and famished wolf that the maiden, in her innocence, invites to sleep on the hearth, and she will become its supper or its slave or, worse, its rival: a famished she-wolf who eats herself out of emotional house and independent home. she will fuck her dreams away and settle for lesser goals.'

so... whoa. i read that first on the plane, with terrible allergies. now if you know me, you know i can't handle allergies. the second time i read it was two nights ago, i picked it up right on that page, and then i just sat the book down and haven't picked it up since.

i need to finish it but first i gotta sort this out. because i'm dying over here, in the wild wild west, my vagina the whole sahara desert, no one surviving across.

okay okay, dramatic. but that whole sex piece got turned around with the love piece.. and now i'm on a fast with no reasonable end in sight.

can't help but feeling a little like this filipina stock broker here, even though her opinion is the one robbins is trying to change...

well its friday night and i could be out but instead its a bath and dozing in my pj's with 'frog pajamas'.