talking like a jerk except
you are an actual jerk
living proof that sometimes friends are mean
today is the day before spring semester starts. i did my laundry today, even my towels and sheets! stocked the fridge with kombucha. and spending the day catching up with my homegirls on the phone. sorting the brain.
tomorrow i start.
this is what i promise you i will do.
i will get paid.
i will focus.
i will get a press pass to sxsw.
i will land the internship.
i'll limit the drama, and limit my ties to it.
turn that energy into drive, burn that in the right places.
saturday night i went out with andrea and jim and we just danced ourselves clean. drank whiskey and danced, and the DJ played WHITNEY HOUSTON. possibly entered the fourth dimension.
Here's to Two of Three. Phase one of New Year's Resolution: make the most of my opportunities. make opportunities.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
more snow
it's snowing again and i don't quite know what to do with myself. i'm trying to go to sleep earlier tonight, so i can wake up before three in the afternoon and wash some damn clothes, get my life in order.
but it's so cold out and my bed's nice and i just feel sad.
i called sanja to give her support and she ended up giving me some. i told her i just want to heal from the old hurt and have somebody who will be nice to me. she said i built an empire of roxanna and that can be intimidating.
i can't help but be strong-willed--i have to be to make it out here. i'm on my own, and i've kind of hardened myself for that.
but intimidating? there are only choice examples of where i'd want to be that. like earlier today, when dude followed me into the grocery store to holler, and then waited outside to walk me home. intimidating can work in my favor then.
but mostly, i wanna be loved. like really loved, for something deeper than the way my pout looks or even how it feels...
but the snow comes down and the home-base withdrawals have been raging and that's probably why i'm writing this longing out to begin with.
but it's so cold out and my bed's nice and i just feel sad.
i called sanja to give her support and she ended up giving me some. i told her i just want to heal from the old hurt and have somebody who will be nice to me. she said i built an empire of roxanna and that can be intimidating.
i can't help but be strong-willed--i have to be to make it out here. i'm on my own, and i've kind of hardened myself for that.
but intimidating? there are only choice examples of where i'd want to be that. like earlier today, when dude followed me into the grocery store to holler, and then waited outside to walk me home. intimidating can work in my favor then.
but mostly, i wanna be loved. like really loved, for something deeper than the way my pout looks or even how it feels...
but the snow comes down and the home-base withdrawals have been raging and that's probably why i'm writing this longing out to begin with.
Friday, January 14, 2011
reset
i'm back at home now, came back to a paper shrine: christmas cards, hank williams on vinyl, strawberry stationery set from hannah. she was in town from houston and stayed at my apartment while i was gone, and left me a strawberry kombucha in the fridge. warmed my heart.
that trip was a voyage, a journey into the present of people with whom i've shared so much past. i fortified some bridges, fashioned some rafts. anything to get me across.
it's hard not to be sad sometimes, when i think of everyone i love and the lives they are leading at this exact moment. i want to be in all of it. i think that's greedy. but it's a happy ache, like ms. miet says.
now i'm getting to know snow, and sleeping 10, 12, 15 hours at a time. it's absolutely vital if i'm going to get back in top-grind shape. catching up with the ones i missed while i was gone.
i'm ready for this year. i'm scared, in awe when i think that this year is it-- one year to hustle this degree and land myself a sweet spot. so many possibilities, starting to take shape.
but first things first. a bed stuy chai and head to the city to get the brows lined up. see what the city's been up to.
that trip was a voyage, a journey into the present of people with whom i've shared so much past. i fortified some bridges, fashioned some rafts. anything to get me across.
it's hard not to be sad sometimes, when i think of everyone i love and the lives they are leading at this exact moment. i want to be in all of it. i think that's greedy. but it's a happy ache, like ms. miet says.
now i'm getting to know snow, and sleeping 10, 12, 15 hours at a time. it's absolutely vital if i'm going to get back in top-grind shape. catching up with the ones i missed while i was gone.
i'm ready for this year. i'm scared, in awe when i think that this year is it-- one year to hustle this degree and land myself a sweet spot. so many possibilities, starting to take shape.
but first things first. a bed stuy chai and head to the city to get the brows lined up. see what the city's been up to.
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